Wood

The calm after the storm has arrived!!

9 months of therapy and enforced singledom and I am me again. I am contented. I am lighter and I am free. I’ve done the work that you never will, I am happy and I laugh. When I smile, I really mean it.

The trauma is processed and, after you, I am changed. I will never be as I once was and that gladdens my soul. Never again will you ever take me in again with your lies and false promises. Never will you sell me a dream that you never had any intention of fulfilling.

I am living in the now, not hanging on in hope for the you that was never real; the false man that you were when you swept me off my feet. I know that the man you became was not actually the man you became, he is the man you were, you are and always will be.

Everyday I find joy; in my child, in my work, in my friends. Incidentally, I’ve never looked better, I have dated more in the last month than I have in my whole life. This me attracts the kind of man I deserve; one who meets me where I am and is interested in me because I am a catch. I never knew a man could want a partner, an equal and not want to own me or degrade me. I didn’t know that I am and always have been desirable.

I have fun and actually go places that aren’t fucking DIY shops as your taxi driver. I no longer pretend to be interested in power tools, I no longer walk on eggshells constantly afraid of setting you off. I sleep all night long, soundly, and that is bliss.

A friend showed me your new insta page, I have you blocked. Ironic that it’s all about how good you are with wood when you could never get any of your own. It was a big deal by the way, and 100% because you do not look after yourself and won’t heed medical advice. FYI, orgasms are not a reward for good behaviour.

Your constant pushing of my boundaries, your twisting of my words, your shit-talking my family and friends, your moods, your manipulation- they were all abuse. You abused me and that makes you a terrible person, not me. It was all you and I did not deserve it.

My life is wonderful now, I know my worth, I have put the hard work in and I am reaping the rewards.

I have fully accepted I’ll never understand why you abused me and I feel relief. Me not understanding, it reinforces I am nothing like you. You take pleasure in destroying people, I absolutely do not.

My eyes are open, my heart is open - just not to you, never again to you.