All that glitters
Baby I’m gonna marry you (14.02.23) became ‘Sex Stops’ (17.11.24). In truth, the sex stopped May 2023.
He emotionally abused me. The alleged love of my life, my soulmate, my happy ending, the one that got away - he was the one I should have ran from and never looked back.
This man distorted my reality and tried to remove my friends and family from my life. He’d say “your friends don’t like me, they make me feel so uncomfortable. Why do you allow that? You’re supposed to love me!”. He’d look all concerned as he said “your family, they clearly don’t want me around. They don’t make an effort with me. You’re different around them. I don’t want to put you in a position but really; they’re not my family, only you”
He went from totally intoxicating adoration, to “it’s not you love, I’m stressed / sad / worked up about xxx”. Followed by telling me “you’re the only good thing in my life”. I became custodian of his happiness and it weighed heavily.
I would try to express concern or I’d try to talk about my feelings and he would get so angry, “why would you say that when you know what I’m going through?”, he would shut me down, stop speaking to me, tell me I needed to “learn your lesson”. He would say “I give you more than you’ll ever know, this is how you repay me? I don’t have to be here you know, just keep pushing and you’ll see.” I’d retreat and try harder not to offend, walking on eggshells became my default.
Eventually he’d change again “you’re quiet love, all okay?” I’d smile and say yes. He’d start to hold my hand again instead of walking in front of me or telling me to link arms where he’d almost be dragging me alongside him.
In those times the man I loved would be back. Showering me with affectionate gestures, reminding me of our plans. Shoulder rubs, long cuddles - but nothing more?
The cycle continued for just over two years and the man I loved appeared less and less. I started to ask questions that he didn’t want to answer. I refused to engage in the constant massage of his ego, I became indifferent and irritable. He told me I was the problem and he was the only man who would put up with me.
In January 25, he was not invested in me anymore. The constant messages and demands for my location slowed. The time spent together became even less. The mask he wore in front of others had slipped at Christmas and questions were being asked.
I sensed a shift. I knew I was almost out, one last outburst from him and I’d end it. I sensed another woman on the horizon.
He started an argument over nothing, my refusal to beg, apologise or even raise my voice left him charting unfamiliar waters. He went for the old faithful “time out”.
I went to his house and got my stuff, my phone recording in my pocket. 1 minute and 12 seconds.. he had the audacity to ask “are you? Is this the end? “Are you? “Is this us breaking up?” I replied “yes, yes it is” and he slammed the door so hard in my face it almost came off the hinges. I looked up at the security cameras outside his shitty, dirty, damaged house and said “Good Chat”. I turned on my heels, walked away and I’m never going back.
I politely messaged the other woman, this would have been her third encounter with him. He’d lied to her as much as me. It was like he had a script he followed, a trusty playbook. She’s lovely and a month on, we message each other and check in. We’ll go for drinks soon. He hasn’t tried to contact either of us since we found him out.
I pawned the ring, got my nails done and treated myself to a massive bouquet of florist flowers. Turns out it wasn’t really a diamond after all. And neither was he. Onwards.