Speak soon x

I was with someone for a few years and on our last anniversary, I suddenly felt unsure. Shortly after, through his friends, I met you. You were electric. I fell for you the moment I met you and that was it. We were inseparable. I was confused, lost, feeling small, and already wanting to leave my situation, but knowing you gave me the final push to do what I felt was right. I told you that put all my trust into you. I believed you. I so desperately wanted you and you so desperately wanted me.

After spending every single night of summer together, we booked a holiday and went away. It was the most magical 7 days of my life, falling in love with you was magical. I told you I wanted to be all yours and you asked me to be yours. You said you loved me unconditionally.

In July you asked me to move in with you (I didn’t, as I didn’t want to live alongside someone's parent) but then in the new year you told me you needed space.

I was shattered, heartbroken and inconsolable. I told you I live to love and you told me you do not. I didn't understand why someone would want space from someone they love? Why commitment to someone you love would be so hard for someone? I agreed to give you space, to give you everything you had been missing all this time but never told me you needed, all the while diminishing every part of myself you supposedly fell in love with in the first place.

In our last texts, you told me to speak to my therapist about how I feel. I replied that I had already made up my mind and will sit and wait for you. Swiftly you messaged back to day that if I am so devoted to you, this time will only prove this and should benefit me. So for now I shall continue hanging on to your last words, "Speak soon x"